If you have been through a break-up or have recently broken up with someone, you would probably know that it is one of the most terrible feeling in the world.
I daresay, going through a break-up is even comparable to the experience of losing a loved one. The pain is a different kind, more of a ‘passionate’ sadness than a ‘numbing’ sadness, but it’s sadness all the same. This is coming from my own experience of feeling both kinds of sadness.
In fact, the pain of a break-up is so intense that studies have related it to actual physical pain, in which the brain triggers sensations that are related to physical injuries when one experiences heartbreak. Of course, other emotional effects could be depression, loss of appetite, and even suicidal thoughts.
No wonder some people take years to get over an ex, or move on to another relationship. Some don’t move on at all.
So if you have just broken-up with someone. Here are some ideas, based on my tried-and-tested experience, which I hope will help you in your journey.
- ITS OKAY. It’s okay to feel upset, to feel depressed, to feel like shit, to miss that person dearly. Most people will expect you to jump right ahead and do all those post-break up stuff right after, but acknowledge your feelings. You have just lost someone dear to your heart. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE UPSET.
- HAVE A BREAK-UP BUDDY. This is someone who is available, and who is there for you when you need to talk about your feelings. Choose a person who you know will make you feel better after a talk. It could be a friend or a family. Talking about your feelings is one of the most therapeutic thing one can do in a trauma. Having and being a break-up buddy myself, I can say this: TALK TO US. WE DO NOT MIND! Don’t feel bad about it seriously.
- HAVE A HOBBY. Ah yes. My personal favorite. Having a hobby keeps you from ruminating about the past. It also develops you into being the best version of yourself that you can be, and that is so important to your newly single status. When I broke up, I discovered a vast majority of what I’d love to do, such as coloring, writing, volunteering, tarot-reading, and yoga. Submerge yourself in activities and people that make you happy.
- DON’T HATE. Hating the person who did this to you is normal. But don’t dwell in that hate. You are so much better than that. You don’t deserve to have any more negative emotion than what you already feel. Spend that emotion into love: Loving life, loving family, loving friends, loving yourself.
- LET GO. This is something I still have trouble with, even after months of my breakup. Letting go, on the surface, means no text, no calls, no communication, no stalking. It really helps in the process of moving on. But on a deeper level, it means letting go of the hope that you and your ex partner will get back together. I have felt this too, and perhaps I still do? But the fact remains that you have broken up for a reason. Instead of clinging to the past, look towards the future, and accept that whatever happens will happen without your control. I am not afraid to admit that I’m still learning this.
- DON’T REBOUND. So important. You might end up hurting someone’s feelings in the process. It also makes you feel worse because anyone you meet at this point will not match up to you ex.
- TAKE YOUR TIME. Even after months, you may still miss your ex. THIS IS OKAY. Everyone heals differently, but trust me that it will pass. You are strong. Don’t rush anything.
- PRAY. Pray in your own way, and trust in a higher power that everything will be okay. Have faith.
Breakup’s are hard, but they are not the end of the world. While it had hurt so much to go through my breakup, I know now that it was one of the best things that have ever happened to me. I learnt how to live life, to be brave and strong, and to love myself more.
So dear reader, I hope that this has helped. I wish you all the best, and am sending all my love to you.